Something everybody realizes, at some point in their life.
Times Change. People Change. You gotta change along with it.
A friend of mine used to tell me this. Two years into college life, I barely recognize that friend anymore. Yes, the irony is not lost on me.
School-to-College is such a huge transition. Everyone’s so grown up. My friends are suddenly going to parties and wearing makeup and I still don’t know how mascara works. 😛 I guess we all change, maybe because change is the only way forward or maybe because that’s how you fit in, and you HAVE to fit in. Social approval and validation is what drives most of us. The only difference in people is how much they let it get to them.
There comes a point where everyone realizes their school best friends can’t remain their best friends forever.( To those rare cases of awesome people who continue to remain close after school, Respect.) Being the self-declared realist that I am, I decided to steel myself to the plausibility that I would eventually lose touch with my friends. It WAS going to happen, I didn’t see any point painting rainbows. Haha. So naive. It still stung like a little bitch.
Whatsapp conversations shrunk and what little remained was forced. Where do you start when someone says “What’s up?” after six months?! Noo, lets forget the emotional breakdown we’re having , lets go with “Nothing much.” instead. THAT’S how you “fall apart”. Now there are some relationships where nothing changes, you can talk to the person after three months or six, and they’re just like how you remember them to be. Those ..those are the best.
It took some time, but I think I’ve made peace with the fact that the people in your life are going to keep changing. Sometimes I think we go through sets of people, one at a time. (Yes, I think waay too much. 😛 )Your circles will change but there will always be that special person(s) who’ll stick with you, unassuming, non-judgmental , with the right amount of insane. Once you find yours, life’s awesome. 😀
Its such an elementary thing in life, that people change, not exactly my biggest epiphany. Its easy enough to admit it, but when people around us change, its hard to digest. I guess you eventually become good at it. Hey I’m only 19, I’ll figure it out.
7 thoughts on “Times Change. People Change.”
Haha.. I have never used a mascara.;)
Reading this post ,I felt there are a lot of people like me. Friends leave when they find someone else…😶
Glad to find company 🙂
Yeah, its kinda shitty when friends do that.
okay…that was like hitting on my head and saying “hey you’ve gone this too”.
Aparna.. i am somehow expecting alot of good writing from you… looking forward to some more posts..
It’s so encouraging to get such feedback, thank you so much 🙂
Very true… attaching an article by Sudha Murthy….
Attachment in Detachment —– Written by Sudha Murti
When my daughter, the older of my two, wed and left home, I felt a part of me gone.
With a daughter and a son, I know what both mean, differently.
When she was in her teens I felt as if she was my “physical extension” !
So when she left home to set up her own, I felt I lost a limb.
Next time she came to stay with us, I was astonished how her priorities had changed.
We too must’ve given the same shocks to our own parents !
When she said Amma,
she meant her mother-in-law, not me!
I felt she was always in a hurry to go back to her house and not stay with me for a few more days.
That was the first time, it dawned on me that I have to start practising detachment with attachment.
Two years after my daughter’s marriage, my son left for higher studies to US.
Having experienced a child’s separation once, I was better equipped emotionally.
I plunged head long into various classes held in the city starting from vedanta to healing to ikebana –
I just wanted to be away from home..since my husband was a 24/7 workaholic.
My son used to write how he was missing my home cooked food, how he was waiting to come back to live in Chennai with us …
After a few years, he did come back and we got him married.
He started living separately with his wife and we were also happy that they wanted to be independant from the beginning…
But now, it was all changed !
When in the U S, he missed my cooking, now if I called him to come over with his wife for a meal, it was always some excuse like “oh, amma, we have other plans for the day, please don’t mistake us if we don’t drop in today” !
I could see that his priorities had also changed completely..
We talk so many things and give so much advice to others, but when it comes to our own children, acceptance comes very late. Our next step is to just leave them undisturbed
in every way.
It was at that time, that I made the following, my ‘new profile’.
In all my relationships , rather interactions, I give my best and do my best to live up to what I say.
My attachment with them is complete.
However, I remain detached in the sense that I do not expect them to reciprocate my affection.
Most importantly, I make a conscious effort , not to interfere or pass judgements on the lives they choose to lead.
My concern for my near and dear ones will not fade with my detachment.
If you let go of the ones you love, they will never go away –
this is the beauty of attachment with detachment !
I have learnt to love and let go.
This dictum has developed tolerance in me.
When I let the people live the way they want to, I learn to accept them for what they are.
Most importantly ,
I learn to tolerate the world around me and this tolerance brings in me a sense of peace and contentment.
Since both my children live in Chennai, I follow this very strictly, you know why !
Now I have realised that we start growing mentally much more only after the children leave the house and we have to tackle the emotional vacuum, that arises, along with age-related problems .
I specially dedicate this post to my friends, who are totally dependant on their children’s lives, to nurture their own selves emotionally.
Please develop your own intersts, hobbies etc, however mundane they seem to be..
We must learn
To love whatever we do
Doing whatever we love !!
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Really love the flow in language when you write Aparna, at 19 you;re doing a fine job! Keep up the excellent work. Cheers!
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Thank you Savio, it’s always flattering to get such feedback 🙂 I will definitely try to keep writing.
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